France, 2:30pm
Weight: 141lbs
(-4.6lbs)
So, this week was okay.
I binged 3 times (on cereals and vegetables), and last night binge really scared me, I hurt myself pretty bad so I really need to stop doing that. I throw away all the food I still had, apart from green beans. I will try to fast as much as I can, the only things I will buy are juices, and some fruits. I got one week break and my flatmate isn't here. That means I have the flat for myself, so nobody to hear me puke. That's why I don't trust myself with food right now. All I want to do since she went away is stuff myself with vegan burggers and french fries.
And I need new clothes. That's funny, I know I lost a lot of weight, but when I look in the mirror, I don't see a change. All I see is fat, fat, fat... And that disgust me and I can't believe I was 30lbs heavier only monthes ago! I mean I'm so ugly now, I don't even want to know what I looked like before, I'm glad I don't have any pictures!
Anyway, I might not see a change, but my pants do. Even my panties do. And I don't want to go shopping because I'm fat.
Fml.
I hear you on being way skinnier and still feeling way fat.
ReplyDeleteWhat if you try to make a list of everything you're allowed to eat for the day? Make it so you have to eat it all (it can be very low cal) but you're not allowed to purge either? Do you think that would work?
I know what you mean. I've lost a fair amount of weight, but when I look.. I still look the same. I just don't get it. And everybody comments on my loss, but I just don't see it. I hate that so much. Well done on losing 30lbs! That's so amazing, you're amazing :)
ReplyDeleteTry to ease up on the purging darling. I know it helps, but each day just try to resit those naughty foods. It's hard, I know. Especially when you have to opportunity to binge/purge. Just try to distract yourself lovely.
<3
I just found your blog, i love your thinspo pictures.
ReplyDeletemy anti-binging trick is to always always ALWAYS have something i'm drinking out of a wineglass - diet soda or water or water with lemon - it feels a little more special than drinking out of a cup or bottle and it can distract you... doesn't always work though today i was out and didn't have any gum or water with me and i just kept stopping at lil foodstands and buying junk...
stay strong girl
You are a an amazing inspiration, with how much you've lost and how much you manage to not eat.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I found your blog, the minute I read your latest post a switch flipped and I realized I need to get back on track, thank you. :)