Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I am still alive.

So, long time no see!

I'm fine... lol, nah, joking, I'm still as fucked up as ever^^ But you like me this way, don't you?

Last time I posted, I was in a devasting binge-purge circle. And I still was until last week. I'm so angry, I was down to 123 or something, and then I went to my sister's, and then to my mom's and then to England (where vegan food is way heasier to find, and there is so many new things to try!) at P's house, where she kept on telling me to eat, making me big meals, overdosing on calories...And I have a probleme with food (no shit sherlock), so when someone tells me it's okay to eat, and gives me food, I eat, and I tend to not stop, at all, until my stomac hurts so much I think I will end up at the hospital (I was sure I was going to die once or twice, scary moments :/) 

I'm back aound 130 lbs now, I think, I don't know. I have a scale here, but it's a really, really old one. It's between 58 and 60kg, it's hard to tell with mechanicals ones. I'm at my brother's, in bristol since last wednesday.  This is why my B&P has stopped. Nobody tells me to eat, nobody's home until 5pm, and when I tell C that I don't feel like eating, he just says 'okay'. PERFECT. And anyway, I don't want to waste money on food when there is so many cute clothes, necklaces, earings... to buy here! I love england!

So, what did I eat today?

-watermelon, 250g, 75cal.
-fruit pastilles lolly, 65ml, 61cal.
-coffee with 200ml of vanilla soy milk, 130cal.
-1 pickle and 10 grapes, and 2 strawberries, around maybe 100cal, I don't really know.

= 366cal but let's just say 'under 400cal' ^^


I clean the bathroom, and let me tell you something... It was horrible. My bother lives with 3 others guys. And I don't think a girl has lived here in ages. So the bathroom (or any other rooms) has not been  properly cleaned in years, seriously, it was so disgusting,  there was this orange thing all over the shower's walls,  and green things in the bottom corners. And stalactis are starting to show on the ceilling...I'm not joking. Yesterday I cleaned the kitchen for 5 hours, I still have half of it to clean.

But I really don't mind, I like cleaning, I like to have everything in order around me, and that way I don't feel useless.

Good night, poupées!


  1. Sorry to hear about the b&p :/ glad it's stopped now though :)
    Glad you're having a good time in England though :)
    Eww that sounds so gross! It's a good job they have you to clean it :P i have no idea how boys can be so messy!
    Stay strong,
    Lottie x

  2. That's so strange, I wondered earlier when you'd be back :D Thanks for the comment- I can't wait until I'm there!

    I love cleaning too but I don't share the same England love- probably because I live here but I find it sucks. I'm glad the b&p has stopped :)

  3. Thank you! :)

    I'm glad to hear the binge and purge thing has stopped and you're having a good time in England :)

  4. Ahh! I cannot believe I wasn't following your blog! I feel so daft, I didn't realise.. Sorrehh. I hate the whole b/p cycle, they're the worst.. I spend too much on food at times and you're so right when you say there are better things to buy.. Ahh, and I like cleaning too! It's a great distraction from everything. Hope everything goes well :)

  5. Good to hear that I'm not the only retard, haha!

    Yeah, I know it's something like that.. Fingers crossed I dont screw up, lol..