Hi mes jolies!
Thanks again for all your comments, and thanks to Pariis, Ali, Emuhlee and Andromeda for the versatile blogger award.
2 cereal bars (97+96)
+1 banana (80)
+1 apple (50)
I spend most of my time watching Spongebob Squarepants (god I love that cartoon!). Then went oustide to try buying things for my pizza. Big failure again, I only bought vegan ham.
Then I bought a spongebob T-shirt. Wanna see eat? Bob is supposed to have a normal head, but my boobs got in the way. ^^
It's a size S. I never thought I could on day wear a size S. My pants size is now 38 (uk=10, us=8)I still have a lot to lose, I got a small frame so my weight range is 120-133. I wonder what the size of my clothes will be at 110. Maybe I should change my UGW to 120, I want to look good, not like a bag of bones. But the worse is that I still don't see any changes when I look in the mirror. I got a gap between my thights now, it's small, but it's here. I'm pretty sure it wasn't there last month. And I can see bones I never saw before.
But in my head, I'm still as fat as I was a year ago.
I took pictures of myself in a pale pink Minnie T-shirt. I look thin and so fragile, like a young girl. I don't recognize myself.
While I was shopping, I saw a couple of very chubby girls sitting on a banch. And they looked at me with that look. The one I give a lot to cute girls, the one that says 'if only I could look like that, I would be so much happier'. It shocked me a little because seconds ago I was seeing myself through those two girls.
That was the recap of yesterday.
Today was not so good.
It started well, I ate a cereal bar, then a banana. I again spent all day watching Spongebob. I did 200 crunches and fell asleep on the floor.
I was looking at thinspo videos on youtube, but then I clicked on 'what I lost with anorexia' or something like that. Nothing new, I know all the bad things you get with it, but this kind of videos always get to me. And I said to myself, it's not me, it will never be me.
So what did I do?
I cooked, I cooked a very healthy meal. Peas, carrots and rice with vegan ham. I was proud of myself. I ate it.
But I couldn't keep all that food inside. Physically, yes, but mentally...
So I told myself, I'm going to purge. And the bad fucked up girl inside told me to make the best of it! So I ate the mango, an apple, the 4 yoghurts and the cereal bars I had left. That way, I won't be able to binge on anything else untill next wednesday (grocery shopping day) and fucked up girl is happy.
I feel like such a failure, even if I am losing weight.
I wasn't really careful in the shower, and I think my flatmate heard me. I don't really give a shit. We're not talking anymore.
Sorry I didn't take a look at your blogs today girls, promise tomorrow I will, but right now I'm too tired!
Ps: Sorry Zane, I failed at our binge-free spring.