Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Crappy day

So, maybe eating so little might have been really stupid.
 
I woke up this morning really hot and nauseous. I fed the cat, peed, and took a shower (all my mornings start like this). But near the end of my shower, I started getting dizzy. I cooled down the water, but it didn't help. So  I quickly limped to my bed, still naked. And passed out. Then I tried to get up, but I started getting dizzy again, so I laid down, then tried getting up, then got dizzy... 15 minutes later I felt better but I decided to eat 2 in-case-of-emergency cereal bars and an apple. (Of course I weighted myself before) And at noon I ate another apple before going grocery shopping. That makes 355 cal for today.

My mom gave me some money to buy food. Next Sunday, I want to eat a pizza, with french toasts. So I went to Carrefour Market, and put in my bag all the ingredients I would need to cook a yummy vegan pizza and some other things: tomatoes, peppers, corn, flour, artichokes, mushrooms, tofu, vegcheese, bread, butter, peas, carrots, vanilla soy milk, mangos, apples, bananas.

But in the end, all I bought was: 4 bananas, 4 apples, 4 carots, 1 mango, some fresh peas, 4 soy yogurts and 2 boxes of cereal bars.

The fucked up girl inside me is happy, but the other girl, the one who wants to get better, really wanted to make and eat a pizza and french toats . I deserve it! I lost 7 pounds since last Wednesday! But I couldn't



So maybe next week the bad fucked up girl will let the hungry girl eat that freaking pizza.



I think my eating disorder is getting worse. I want to get better, but I want to lose weight too.

6 comments:

  1. it's so hard to balance everything.

    be strong, babe. our lives go out of control so often, you gotta take what you can. i hope that fucked up girl inside of you lets the hungry girl eat a tasty vegan pizza next week.

    then, you know, back to mangoes for a day or two.

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  2. If you haven't fasted before I don't think you should start. Its really unhealthy and addicting the side effect are disgusting..Once I pulled a handful of hair out of my head. It was horrifying but then I started taking vitamins and it made my hair falling out decrease.
    xoxo

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  3. Oh and that's horrible about your father. You do NOT deserve to be talked to like that. Fuck him. You are above that. And yes my father is controlling but I am kind of a push over so I let a lot of people control me haha. It feels good to fight back.

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  4. hey, i want to nominate you for a blogger award.<3

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  5. hey, i have a surprise for you on my latest blog, :) check it out girly!

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  6. Yeah.. I hope I can control myself next time.

    Thank you :) I was pretty satisfied when I looked like that..

    Cant wait to see the thinspo of your success!

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