Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Crappy day

So, maybe eating so little might have been really stupid.
I woke up this morning really hot and nauseous. I fed the cat, peed, and took a shower (all my mornings start like this). But near the end of my shower, I started getting dizzy. I cooled down the water, but it didn't help. So  I quickly limped to my bed, still naked. And passed out. Then I tried to get up, but I started getting dizzy again, so I laid down, then tried getting up, then got dizzy... 15 minutes later I felt better but I decided to eat 2 in-case-of-emergency cereal bars and an apple. (Of course I weighted myself before) And at noon I ate another apple before going grocery shopping. That makes 355 cal for today.

My mom gave me some money to buy food. Next Sunday, I want to eat a pizza, with french toasts. So I went to Carrefour Market, and put in my bag all the ingredients I would need to cook a yummy vegan pizza and some other things: tomatoes, peppers, corn, flour, artichokes, mushrooms, tofu, vegcheese, bread, butter, peas, carrots, vanilla soy milk, mangos, apples, bananas.

But in the end, all I bought was: 4 bananas, 4 apples, 4 carots, 1 mango, some fresh peas, 4 soy yogurts and 2 boxes of cereal bars.

The fucked up girl inside me is happy, but the other girl, the one who wants to get better, really wanted to make and eat a pizza and french toats . I deserve it! I lost 7 pounds since last Wednesday! But I couldn't

So maybe next week the bad fucked up girl will let the hungry girl eat that freaking pizza.

I think my eating disorder is getting worse. I want to get better, but I want to lose weight too.


  1. it's so hard to balance everything.

    be strong, babe. our lives go out of control so often, you gotta take what you can. i hope that fucked up girl inside of you lets the hungry girl eat a tasty vegan pizza next week.

    then, you know, back to mangoes for a day or two.

  2. If you haven't fasted before I don't think you should start. Its really unhealthy and addicting the side effect are disgusting..Once I pulled a handful of hair out of my head. It was horrifying but then I started taking vitamins and it made my hair falling out decrease.

  3. Oh and that's horrible about your father. You do NOT deserve to be talked to like that. Fuck him. You are above that. And yes my father is controlling but I am kind of a push over so I let a lot of people control me haha. It feels good to fight back.

  4. hey, i want to nominate you for a blogger award.<3

  5. hey, i have a surprise for you on my latest blog, :) check it out girly!

  6. Yeah.. I hope I can control myself next time.

    Thank you :) I was pretty satisfied when I looked like that..

    Cant wait to see the thinspo of your success!