Thursday, December 15, 2011

Remember me?

Yeah, I'm still alive .

The last 4 monthes of my life have been really hard on me. After I went back to France to start a new college year, things got real bad for me, well, it could have been worse, but it wasn't easy.

To sum up, I had no where to sleep, so I slept at friend's, or in youth hostels, or in the street (but that was because a guy at the youth hostel raped me and another one forced me to give him a blow job, I didn't want to come back there so for two days I didn't know where to go).

Anyway, I couldn't continue my studies so I had to stop and find a job.

I was a cleaning lady in a sex shop in the mornings, baby sitter from time to time, and every night I worked as a stripper/hostess in a "bar à champagne" (wine bar). And I prostituted myself.

Then I couldn't take it anymore so I decided to go away for a while. I'm back in England, at my brother's. I'm going to stay here for a while, find a job, and when it gets less cold, I'm going to travel.

I'm so tired of everything, I'm not okay but nobody seems to notice. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, I think I got a good life. The only things I hate are my body, the binging and purging (it's gotten really worse, but i'm working on that) and the fact that even if I'm ugly as fuck, every men I meet want to screw me (I will never trust a man in my life ever again).

But I relly really really love my life. I've grown up a lot those past monthes. I'm not the same girl i was. Bad things happened, I met some wonderful people, and some not so wonderful people, I did things I never thought I would do, i found out that I am damn good at stripping, I also had a lot of fun ..

But I just need to be alone for a while, and think about everything.


  1. I've missed you SO much! A single post or are you coming back? Wow.. You've really been through a lot! I really look up to you for loveing your life.

    Thank you, it's a HUGE difference and I dont know if I could have done it without you. One of the first things you said to me was that the weight would not only go straight down, that I would gain some time to time and that really is keeping me in one piece when I fail. My boyfriend is REALLY worried about my hairloss..

  2. This is so weird, I was thinking about you yesterday wondering if you'd come back! I hope you come back soon, I missed you. I hope you have a better time in England and I'm glad you're happy with life in spite of the events. You're stronger than I would be xx

  3. wow... I don't even know what to say.
    I can't even imagine going through any of that ever, in my whole life, so the fact you have gone through this in a few months and can still see the good in your life shows how strong you are!
    Maybe the bingeing and purging has gotten worse because of everything you've gone through recently, using it has a coping method:( I hope you are okay and things get better for you!

  4. Wow and I thought I had problems. I am honestly so sorry that happened to you, you don't deserve any of it. The fact that you are still grateful for what you have is so inspiring, and definitely a reality check. I'm glad things are better for you now and I hope you take this time to heal. Best of luck with everything.